carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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