Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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