Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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