You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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