There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
