So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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