Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
