did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
