After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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