i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
