For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
