People in love make me want to vomit
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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