Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
