I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
