Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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