I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
