Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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