i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
