as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
