Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(630): View more from Illinois

I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.

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(630): I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof. http://tfl.nu/he9o

Replies (4) Good night (1263) Bad night (674)
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(908): View more from New Jersey

I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts

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(908): I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts http://tfl.nu/1w8r

Replies (28) Good night (5141) Bad night (1087)
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(616): View more from Michigan

theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.

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(616): theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary. http://tfl.nu/ecj4

Replies (25) Good night (4544) Bad night (859)
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(765): View more from Indiana

I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.

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(765): I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart. http://tfl.nu/xlbc

Replies (37) Good night (7090) Bad night (1792)
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(806): View more from Texas

I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.

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(806): I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes. http://tfl.nu/owra

Replies (25) Good night (683) Bad night (3575)
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(214): View more from Texas

herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.

(1-214): View more from Texas

ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...

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(214): herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina. (1-214): ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname... http://tfl.nu/qpb9

Replies (19) Good night (2001) Bad night (5009)
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(253): View more from Washington

You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.

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(253): You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me. http://tfl.nu/6xwb

Replies (17) Good night (4055) Bad night (910)
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(631): View more from New York

Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.

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(631): Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate. http://tfl.nu/qonz

Replies (5) Good night (1312) Bad night (2815)
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(224): View more from Illinois

Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.

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(224): Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day. http://tfl.nu/yhb5

Replies (39) Good night (4473) Bad night (1098)
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(540): View more from Virginia

casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?

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(540): casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks? http://tfl.nu/0uf1

Replies (16) Good night (2515) Bad night (1467)
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(651): View more from Minnesota

"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.

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(651): "just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk. http://tfl.nu/ji17

Replies (6) Good night (1066) Bad night (565)
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(226): View more from Ontario

I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater

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(226): I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater http://tfl.nu/c1nm

Replies (6) Good night (1007) Bad night (538)
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(774): View more from Massachusetts

What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?

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(774): What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird? http://tfl.nu/2yid

Replies (9) Good night (441) Bad night (1476)
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(818): View more from California

She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.

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(818): She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink. http://tfl.nu/8b21

Replies (5) Good night (400) Bad night (758)
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(937): View more from Ohio

He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling

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(937): He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling http://tfl.nu/peso

Replies (8) Good night (1014) Bad night (392)

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