This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.