we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid