Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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