maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
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I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
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we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.