my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
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Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
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Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless