im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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