Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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