mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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