Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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