the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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