After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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