i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
