I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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