i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize