So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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