her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Randomize
