He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
