Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
