Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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