I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize