I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
