well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
