whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
