hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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