does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
