Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
