Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
