I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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