Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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