we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
