i permit you to call me
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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