One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
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shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
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75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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