i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Randomize
