I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I could fuck to npr.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
