in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
