I didn't shave. On purpose
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
