How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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