after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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