You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
