a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
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