Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
