His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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