i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
