god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
