my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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