The maid of honor just puked.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
