i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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