so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
