if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Randomize
