I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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