Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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