The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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