if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
