but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
